One day...
she opened her Mum's closet
took out the sequined red drape
stood in front of the mirror,
covered herself in it
and thought she would make
a beautiful bride.
She was all of ten.
In some days' time, she will turn 27 and she will have her own sequinned red drape. The drape which will bring with itself a new relationship, the relationship that will change the way she looks at probably everything in the world. That she is me.
A new life awaits me, a new relationship awaits me, womanhood awaits me, wifehood awaits me. It all comes flashing like a cluster of dreams.
From the day my wedding dates were finalised, I've experienced every emotion possible. One day, I'm all excited and battling butterflies in my stomach, the other day, I'm sad and jittery. And the next day, I'm just panicking with the preparations and then something else. They say it's totally natural. I breathe a sigh of relief. At times, I just wish I could switch or rather keep this fact "I'm about to get married" in some corner of my brain from where it doesn't pop often. Silence hits me at weird moments, I have sleepless nights and if anybody asks me what exactly keeps me awake, I don't think I'll be able to sum it up. So I just give it a pass.
When my parents used to say 'act as weird as you may right now, you'll miss us when you get married'. Days to my wedding and I'm already cranky. No, it isn't about the family or the man I'll promise my life to. It's about leaving home. It's about not being able to get up late and still the ever-so-loving mother running after me with an apple or a glass of milk. It's about fighting with the father and saying 'who else do I fight with when the brother is away?’ It's about sneaking in on the brother's sexy sweatshirt and spraying oodles of perfume and then saying the next day 'are you mad? I thought you had not even got it on this trip of yours.' It's about the crazy soul sister who loves to startle me every morning with wet kisses on my face, who I look up to and who looks up to me. It's about the caring maid who says the house will be silent without me and that she'll miss me a lot. It's about waking up late everyday but getting up early that one day when I have to go for a morning movie show with friends or cousins. It's about spending the entire day in those torn yet comfortable pyjamas. It's about saying I don’t care and then thinking about the future when I will have to care about everything. It's about those mood swings when I just don’t want to talk and parents let me be. It's about easy going friends who are always game for quick bites and healthy gossips and shopping spree and discussions. It's about wanting love in my life and then being scared of responsibilities. Perhaps, it's about never wanting to grow up.
And then...it strikes me, 'nizaam' of the Indian culture. Looking at my mother, I can see the amount of love and care she has put in to make the place we call home. I see the patience with which she has dealt with all of us. I can feel how much, at times, she wants to disagree but she agrees for our happiness. Well! I can also see the sacrifices she has made but what covers it all up is the satisfaction, the feeling of being complete that reflects in her eyes. It’s when she has dreams not for herself but for me or my brother or for the entire family. It makes her a beautiful woman and like every girl, I too want to be my mother's reflection. I also want to be a beautiful woman.
P.S. One of the best parts about getting married is that nobody questions when you buy two pair of shoes at once costing nearly 5,000 or when you hit the store and pick the brightest saree of your choice without looking at the price tag. Bliss!!
she opened her Mum's closet
took out the sequined red drape
stood in front of the mirror,
covered herself in it
and thought she would make
a beautiful bride.
She was all of ten.
In some days' time, she will turn 27 and she will have her own sequinned red drape. The drape which will bring with itself a new relationship, the relationship that will change the way she looks at probably everything in the world. That she is me.
A new life awaits me, a new relationship awaits me, womanhood awaits me, wifehood awaits me. It all comes flashing like a cluster of dreams.
From the day my wedding dates were finalised, I've experienced every emotion possible. One day, I'm all excited and battling butterflies in my stomach, the other day, I'm sad and jittery. And the next day, I'm just panicking with the preparations and then something else. They say it's totally natural. I breathe a sigh of relief. At times, I just wish I could switch or rather keep this fact "I'm about to get married" in some corner of my brain from where it doesn't pop often. Silence hits me at weird moments, I have sleepless nights and if anybody asks me what exactly keeps me awake, I don't think I'll be able to sum it up. So I just give it a pass.
When my parents used to say 'act as weird as you may right now, you'll miss us when you get married'. Days to my wedding and I'm already cranky. No, it isn't about the family or the man I'll promise my life to. It's about leaving home. It's about not being able to get up late and still the ever-so-loving mother running after me with an apple or a glass of milk. It's about fighting with the father and saying 'who else do I fight with when the brother is away?’ It's about sneaking in on the brother's sexy sweatshirt and spraying oodles of perfume and then saying the next day 'are you mad? I thought you had not even got it on this trip of yours.' It's about the crazy soul sister who loves to startle me every morning with wet kisses on my face, who I look up to and who looks up to me. It's about the caring maid who says the house will be silent without me and that she'll miss me a lot. It's about waking up late everyday but getting up early that one day when I have to go for a morning movie show with friends or cousins. It's about spending the entire day in those torn yet comfortable pyjamas. It's about saying I don’t care and then thinking about the future when I will have to care about everything. It's about those mood swings when I just don’t want to talk and parents let me be. It's about easy going friends who are always game for quick bites and healthy gossips and shopping spree and discussions. It's about wanting love in my life and then being scared of responsibilities. Perhaps, it's about never wanting to grow up. And then...it strikes me, 'nizaam' of the Indian culture. Looking at my mother, I can see the amount of love and care she has put in to make the place we call home. I see the patience with which she has dealt with all of us. I can feel how much, at times, she wants to disagree but she agrees for our happiness. Well! I can also see the sacrifices she has made but what covers it all up is the satisfaction, the feeling of being complete that reflects in her eyes. It’s when she has dreams not for herself but for me or my brother or for the entire family. It makes her a beautiful woman and like every girl, I too want to be my mother's reflection. I also want to be a beautiful woman.
P.S. One of the best parts about getting married is that nobody questions when you buy two pair of shoes at once costing nearly 5,000 or when you hit the store and pick the brightest saree of your choice without looking at the price tag. Bliss!!
1 comments:
Nicely explained :)
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