Dearestestest Nana & Nani,
It's time I speak to you. I'm fighting with the need to have you around me right now.. I hear so much about you, Nana, from Ammi that I think if I had the chance to be with you we would have been deadly. Ammi talks about your wit, ur presence of mind, ur poetry. You know something, in my initial years when I had just started writing poems..if someone ever asked me where am I getting the skills from, I would quickly say 'My nana was a poet'. I've always taken pride in that. The funny incidents like fooling the sweet shop owner or how u taught some 'over'smartass a lesson makes me laugh like crazy. I dun remember how many times I've heard it. Unfortunate me I haven't even seen my dada and both of you, I think, would have loved me to bits. Everytime, I used to visit my friends during vacations, somebody had nani over to her place for a holiday, somebdy had nana. I had none. Saddest, I swear! I'd come home and tell Ammi about it. Ammi told me she hardly remembers Nani 'cause she was a kid when Nani died in Iraq. All I hear about Nani is that she was the most simple lady. For you, Nana, I've heard that your wit amazed many. Sometimes, I address you in my prayers. I know...I know, I whine a lot at times and get absolutely demanding. You see, why I say you should have helped me grow up. You would have spoiled me in a better manner maybe. My poetry would have been way better. The way I write and the way I talk...actually everything.
You know, I've gone a sea-change in just some years' time. I've been dumb, I've been witty, I've been crazy and so much more. But what hurt me the most was loneliness when it happened. Grandparents play a huge role if one is fortunate enough to have them around during the growing up years. I wanted to run upto Nani and cuddle and complain about Ammi. I wanted to confide in you Nana for so many things from how sometimes I simply hated to be misunderstood by friends to why I did a particular thing for which I was scolded by either Ammi or Abba, from how very much I liked a guy playing the drums (only to realise later that guy on the guitar was far sexier) to why I can't stand those fair "chikna" mundas.
I wanted to discuss with you the unfair deals of the world we live in. How much I hate people poking their nose in my personal life or my family. You know, I always wanted to be independent and I am now. Thank God for my job! Some of my friends tell me that they feel like I've been working since ages. I always had this thing in my head that for the initial stage I want to study to the point after which I land myself a nice job and then study along with my job. I am doing exactly that. Somethings go just the way you had planned when you were young.
I'm happy in that case.
There were moments when I had a piece of write-up and I wanted just you to hear me out and know what state of mind and heart I wrote it in. I wanted either of you to help me escape my blunders. I wanted to be stubborn with you two. I wanted you to hold Ammi up when she was sad or messed up in head because of something at home. For some parts of my life, I havent been an obedient daughter. I troubled your daughter. I am sorry for that. I was growing up, I took a few things to be the "should do" and "must have". But again, I also want to thank you for giving me such a beautiful mother. She's scary at times, you know. Just when I say "I was thinking of..." and she'll complete my sentence. And it's BANG ON. Isn't that scary?? To this she tells me "I'm your mother." <Giggles>
A very dear friend of mine lost her dad today. She was in massive pain, I could sense it. That brought a picture very clear to my mind that I wont ever ever be able to live without either Ammi or Abba. Life would finish. I have constant fights with Abba...CONSTANT...when I'm at home and that is mostly Tuesday (my week off). By the way Nana, I get only one day off and my job timing is 5pm to 1am. Yes, I know, timing is painful. I've adjusted to it now. I kinda like it but I want to write as well. I do. Sometimes for the newspaper and sometimes for my blog and sometimes for the people I love.
So..you see your grand daughter is not the coolest or the prettiest or whatever. But I think I'm good enough for a lot of other things which would matter in the longer run. No, no...I'm not talking about cooking...no...no way Nana, I don't mean marriage when I say longer run. Now I'm closing my letter. Hope it reaches you well in time before I go to bed in peace to my dreams. I need a reply. I've only seen your pictures and I think Ammi looks like you. If nothing, she has your wit for sure.
Love
Ever-so-demanding grand daughter
It's time I speak to you. I'm fighting with the need to have you around me right now.. I hear so much about you, Nana, from Ammi that I think if I had the chance to be with you we would have been deadly. Ammi talks about your wit, ur presence of mind, ur poetry. You know something, in my initial years when I had just started writing poems..if someone ever asked me where am I getting the skills from, I would quickly say 'My nana was a poet'. I've always taken pride in that. The funny incidents like fooling the sweet shop owner or how u taught some 'over'smartass a lesson makes me laugh like crazy. I dun remember how many times I've heard it. Unfortunate me I haven't even seen my dada and both of you, I think, would have loved me to bits. Everytime, I used to visit my friends during vacations, somebody had nani over to her place for a holiday, somebdy had nana. I had none. Saddest, I swear! I'd come home and tell Ammi about it. Ammi told me she hardly remembers Nani 'cause she was a kid when Nani died in Iraq. All I hear about Nani is that she was the most simple lady. For you, Nana, I've heard that your wit amazed many. Sometimes, I address you in my prayers. I know...I know, I whine a lot at times and get absolutely demanding. You see, why I say you should have helped me grow up. You would have spoiled me in a better manner maybe. My poetry would have been way better. The way I write and the way I talk...actually everything.
You know, I've gone a sea-change in just some years' time. I've been dumb, I've been witty, I've been crazy and so much more. But what hurt me the most was loneliness when it happened. Grandparents play a huge role if one is fortunate enough to have them around during the growing up years. I wanted to run upto Nani and cuddle and complain about Ammi. I wanted to confide in you Nana for so many things from how sometimes I simply hated to be misunderstood by friends to why I did a particular thing for which I was scolded by either Ammi or Abba, from how very much I liked a guy playing the drums (only to realise later that guy on the guitar was far sexier) to why I can't stand those fair "chikna" mundas.
I wanted to discuss with you the unfair deals of the world we live in. How much I hate people poking their nose in my personal life or my family. You know, I always wanted to be independent and I am now. Thank God for my job! Some of my friends tell me that they feel like I've been working since ages. I always had this thing in my head that for the initial stage I want to study to the point after which I land myself a nice job and then study along with my job. I am doing exactly that. Somethings go just the way you had planned when you were young.
I'm happy in that case.
There were moments when I had a piece of write-up and I wanted just you to hear me out and know what state of mind and heart I wrote it in. I wanted either of you to help me escape my blunders. I wanted to be stubborn with you two. I wanted you to hold Ammi up when she was sad or messed up in head because of something at home. For some parts of my life, I havent been an obedient daughter. I troubled your daughter. I am sorry for that. I was growing up, I took a few things to be the "should do" and "must have". But again, I also want to thank you for giving me such a beautiful mother. She's scary at times, you know. Just when I say "I was thinking of..." and she'll complete my sentence. And it's BANG ON. Isn't that scary?? To this she tells me "I'm your mother." <Giggles>
A very dear friend of mine lost her dad today. She was in massive pain, I could sense it. That brought a picture very clear to my mind that I wont ever ever be able to live without either Ammi or Abba. Life would finish. I have constant fights with Abba...CONSTANT...when I'm at home and that is mostly Tuesday (my week off). By the way Nana, I get only one day off and my job timing is 5pm to 1am. Yes, I know, timing is painful. I've adjusted to it now. I kinda like it but I want to write as well. I do. Sometimes for the newspaper and sometimes for my blog and sometimes for the people I love.
So..you see your grand daughter is not the coolest or the prettiest or whatever. But I think I'm good enough for a lot of other things which would matter in the longer run. No, no...I'm not talking about cooking...no...no way Nana, I don't mean marriage when I say longer run. Now I'm closing my letter. Hope it reaches you well in time before I go to bed in peace to my dreams. I need a reply. I've only seen your pictures and I think Ammi looks like you. If nothing, she has your wit for sure.
Love
Ever-so-demanding grand daughter
