Of trauma and happiness together

I asked her if she knew,

the soul difference between life and death.

I asked her if she understood,

the meaning of slicing off of her own body part.

I asked her if she at all

thought about it for once before giving up.

I asked her to narrate

the whole episode to me.

I asked her if she

felt attached to it, even for a second.

She stopped me before I could 

grill her more and burst into tears.

She held my hand and said,

"One month passed and I lay oblivion

of the life developing in me.

But one fine day when the 

day broke into night I realised

what it was...(her voice cracked)

...my happiness grew out of bounds.

I forgot everything and felt like

pampering and feeling special

'cause I was a 'soon-to-be-a-mother'

I told him about the sheer glow

that would be between us.

He hugged me and kissed my forehead.

He thanked me like I gave him his golden wish.

I tell you that was 

one of the best moments of my life.

We chuckled and made future plans.

From the baby's name to it's educational endeavours.

We discussed it all.

Three months later, that morning I felt 

a slight shudder, though my smile washed it off

'cause I thought it was my baby growing.

Our turn came at the clinic

as the pain just didn't stop.

She examined with all she could.

The last scene I remember

before my eyes closed

was my husband's blubbery eyes

telling me everything will be fine.

I woke up to hear my baby was no more. 

In a blank state 

I questioned him, I questioned 

the doctor

I felt...

I felt like I was ruined,

like I've lost some important part of me.

I cried, I yelled for my baby

I wanted to know the reason

He took me in his arms and said, "Our baby was dead, it

had no breath, no pulse."

How do I believe all this, when I

felt it grow in me every fraction of a second?

I tried to gather myself but failed.

They asked me why I gave up

You see I didn't... life inside me, 

instead, gave up."

Listening to all of this I could not 

hold myself back and succumbed.

I was shaken off my sleep

to see my 'soon-to-be-a-mother' friend

standing with the brightest smile I've ever seen.

I couldn't, obviously, tell her

but I thanked my God for it

being just a nightmare.